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Ms Yeo, for example, sees a marked contrast between men in Singapore and those from abroad. When American men sent her online messages via OkCupid, an international dating website, she could find and identify them on Facebook and LinkedIn. Dating in Singapore was far less transparent. Some said on their profiles that they were married but were looking for 'friends'," she says. There are also those who find online dating exhausting, meeting person after person on first date after first date. Take bachelor Benjamin Koh, 36, a consultant in learning and development at a corporate training firm, who three years ago gave up on the Lovestruck app he used to meet people.
I'd think, maybe another girl would be better," he says, which would spur him to get on the dating treadmill again. Having given up on dating apps, he says he still wants to find a wife who shares his Christian faith. Now he is looking among his church circles. Another common reason that older singletons give about their lack of prospects is their shrinking social circles. As they get older, more of their friends get hitched and start families. The friends have less time to hang out and have fewer new friends to recommend as possible matches.
At social events organised by a dating agency, Mr Wong Ying Yuan found himself sitting across women in their 20s. Problem was, he felt like he was talking to his niece, who is Kang, 40, who has never had a relationship, puts it this way: We tend to get 'more single'. There have always been more women than men in her life. She was from a girls' school and mostly socialised with the same group of friends through secondary school, junior college and university.
In her business administration course at the National University of Singapore and at her places of work, women also outnumbered men. Two years ago, she attended events organised by dating agencies, but found it "draining and depressing" when she did not find a suitable match. Life found that men's concerns tend to revolve around appearances and child-bearing abilities of their partners, while women's preoccupations centre on financial stability in their potential husbands. Private investor James Foo, 44, who has gone on dates via a dating agency, admits that he is "quite picky in terms of looks".
Those he dated tried to suss out, for instance, whether he owned a car by asking if he knew where to park at certain locations. On the other side of the fence, Ms Eunice H, 43, who lost her husband in a traffic accident three years ago, recently felt ready to look for a new partner on dating websites and agencies. In a first phone conversation, a man rejected her because he said he needed a woman young enough to bear him children.
And sometimes, singletons are too independent and comfortable with their lifestyle to make the effort to find a partner. Ms Wee Le Fong, 40, a former air stewardess of 11 years, wonders if she has led the lifestyle of a cabin crew member for too long, and is too used to doing things on her own. She is now an administrative associate at a bank. She does not go clubbing and seldom takes the initiative to meet people, prefering to leave such things to chance. I sometimes spend weekends with my elder brother and sister and their children," she says. For older people who have had past relationships, there might be another factor that complicates dating: Mr Victor Chua, 50, who runs his own tour operations business, lost his wife seven years ago when she was knocked down by a lorry, leaving behind their son, who was just one then.
These days, Mr Chua, who mostly finds dates through work, says anyone he has a relationship with has to understand that "my time will not be spent entirely with her.
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I find I'm more attracted to divorced women who can handle my kid because they have kids too". We might go on those dates for a simple dinner at a cafe, no pubs or discotheques," he says. At the age of 48, fresh out of a year marriage, and with a son who has autism, Mr Wong Ying Yuan decided to try online dating. Putting his profile picture on an online dating site, he said, was like trying to sell "a second-hand golf set".
At social events organised by a dating agency, he found himself sitting across women in their 20s. The adjunct lecturer at Singapore Polytechnic, now 50, has not given up on the search for a life partner. But he takes a more low-key, relaxed approach now, guided by the philosophy of que sera, sera whatever will be, will be.
Even as dating apps bloom, some singles still say yes to matchmakers
To help things along, he signed up with CompleteMe, whose services include speed-dating events held in restaurants. But the year-long relationship floundered last year when he brought up the topic of getting engaged. He says that the woman, who was in her early 30s, did not want to take things further, choosing to focus on setting up a beverage business instead. He tells his dates about his only child Leo, 14, "as early as is convenient", as a future partner "might feel a bit cheated" if he introduced his son to her only when the relationship was getting serious.
I must also be able to answer the question, can I trust her when a special needs child is involved? In fact, because he trusted his ex-wife to do the best she can for Leo, there had been a period when he was reluctant to accept that his marriage was over. So he tried, and is still trying. Perhaps because he had met his ex-wife at a tea organised by the now-defunct SDU Social Development Unit , which was the matchmaking arm of the Government, Mr Wong found that he was "open to matchmaking".
On weekends, besides spending time with his son, Mr Wong sometimes volunteers with a group that practises mindfulness. This year, he set up a small shop and cafe in Kathmandu, Nepal, a country that he has visited several times. After the end of her second marriage about five years ago, Ms Shamim Moledina, 68, did not expect that men would approach an older woman like her.
She was chatted up by men she met in different situations, including through her club, Singapore Recreation Club, at dinner parties and at community centre events. Some men sent private messages on Facebook.
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Once, during what she thought was an innocent tea with a married acquaintance, she realised that he wanted something more when he urged her to call him whenever she felt lonely. Despite these experiences, she has not ruled out dating, but would only go out with people she knows and trusts.
Regarding dating prospects of women her age, she says that while some are lucky in finding a good partner, it can be "scary". Also, some people I know have been conned by men they met online. After the end of her second marriage, which had lasted 22 years, there was a period when she felt "lonely and helpless". I know I get attached very easily. Singapore Christian Singles Fellowship Meetup. Malaysian Singles Meetup 1, Lovely Singles. Meetup for 40s to 50s singles.
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Singapore’s dating game decoded: apps, sites and events | Honeycombers
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