How to recover from dating someone with bpd

I dont think I ever hated anyone like this in my life.

The positive in a way is that it has awoken a darker side in me. My thoughts are with you, Matthew. Thank you so much for your words.. I just broke up with a borderline myself, and i feel strange, kinda hollow..

Thank-you so much for your kind words. Much love, as always. Hi Matthew I too read your book, thanks so much, it was wonderful and extremely helpful. It has inspired me to finish writing my own book one of these days, when I have less on my plate. Dear Robyn, Many thanks for your message, and I apologise for the delay in replying. I do hope that you are well, and I very much look forward to reading your work when you have the time to write. Wonderful and encouraging words.

Our four years relationship was full of chaos, breakups and drama. All punctuated of course with great sex, closeness and plans for the future. Some weeks ago she ended it without any discussion. One more break — up to add to the list. The pain is intense. Hi D, Many thanks for you kind comments.

But be good to yourself; learn to love yourself and the pain will heal. I broke up with her 4 times over the last year but I know that this one is the final one. I was so confused and desperate with all the craziness that I lost my job. But in a sense I want to see it at a fresh time. A catharsis as you say. Deep cleansing, start anew, fresh, reinvent myself… Nonetheless still at the very early stages. I get anxiety attacks 2 or 3 per day. My self esteem has been shattered and I have become very defensive and almost aggressive and paranoid with people incl close friends.

I was never like that… How long did it take you to start slowly getting back on track? Not many people get that chance, and you have it. But I did it, and if I can, anyone can. Just surround yourself with good, honest people, practise things that make you happy everyday, whether that be reading your favourite book, or dancing to your favourite music.

Much love, as always, Matthew. Thanks for your thoughtful reply Matthew. Things are fine thanks J. I still suffer from the odd bout of depression, but mindfulness helps immensely. Being positive is a daily practice, and I recommend it whole-heartedly. Please feel free to PM me on Twitter if you want to chat more, away from a public forum. Very best wishes, Matthew. Thanks for your post.

I am experiencing the butterfly effect after being left by a boarderline. I just went through this. I ended with her finally after a year. The most detestation piece to me was the psychological although I took a big hit financially because I was supporting her.

Or when she was unfaithful and essentially blamed it on my unwillingness to commit to her more fully and provide more financially. Everything was turned around and put back on me. It was never her. She used things I told her in confidence about my family and own personal psychology against me. I feel peace now that she is gone, by I ruminate and obsess about her. She had a sense of rage I believe was for her father that was put on me.

I forgot what it was like to be loved and not hated. The inability to consciously experience their own shame leaves you the holder of all things bad and wrong. I had to carry all the badness and fault in the relationship despite trying so hard to make it work.

She actively undermined my self respect as a man… so she had to go. I just ended a one year relationship with a woman I believe and our therapist believed to be borderline and narcissistic. It was one of the most difficult and painful periods of my life. The piece that I found unbearable was that I was always perceived to be the one who generated all of the negativity.

I had to be all the badness, not her. I was always perceived as the originator of the problem. I think in any relationship both people need to consider how they contribute to the problem. I was manipulated into this scenario. I needed to be at a different level. She turned everything around and blamed it on me. Twisted all of her crazy making behaviors into telling me they originated from me. I felt like I was losing my mind. I finally moved her stuff out when she had ran away again after a fight. Every time we fought she would run away and stay some where else for days or weeks.

It was like there was no consistency within her life. And the person she often perceived herself to be was one of all goodness, generosity, and love. It was very difficult to reconcile who she thought herself to be verse who she really was. This was the strangest most painful experience of my life. I now see how my ex pretty much hated me. I think she may have been abused when she was younger so I try to be compassionate and understanding despite feeling completely disrespected, manipulated, and taken advantage of.

I think she hated her father and projected that hatred onto me. I think her hatred blackened my life. She knew she had me sexually and could control from that perspective.

Passion and Fear in BPD Relationships

It was the best sex I ever had. But now, I feel like myself again, and I feel like a better version of myself. More attuned to what makes my love valuable. More attuned to being respectful of another. More attuned to what matters in having a healthy life. Knowing what I want the mother of my future children to be like. Ironically as Mathew stated I feel like this was the most valuable experience of my life.

The most painful and the most valuable. My BPD relationship ended a few months ago after 5 years of chaos. She was a beautiful fragile waif and I had no idea there was such a thing. She was engaged and I had separated from my wife. It was crazy from the beginning but was absolutely exhilarating. Beautiful, sweet, best sex any and all the time. I got divorced to be with her. This played on for few years until I started backing away a few months ago after hard evidence that she was cheating.

Two days later she was engaged to another guy. Yesterday, 6 weeks later she married him. Im seeing a therapist as I totally lost myself in all of this and every other relationship iny life was affected. Dear Keith, Thank-you so much for sharing your story. As I said, through my own experiences I know where you are right now. Time WILL heal, and hopefully at some point you will look back on all the madness that you have endured with a sense of understanding. These experiences have the potential to change you, and your future outlook, but NEVER forget that we are all here for you, and thinking about you in your recovery.

Dear Matthew, Thank you so much for your amazing article. I have spent the last 4 months, after breakup of 5 years relationship with a very beatiful BL younger than me with 20 years. Yours really gives much hope.