Orthodox jewish dating advice

I had my good luck years ago, and it continues thank God! Our children are all grown up and long out of the house. My wife is a successful, interesting, educated, lovely and complex person. I think the comparison between business and a shidduch is superficial and very flawed. The nature of the relationships is very different. Marriage requires a sort of humanity, empathy, commitment, love that has little or no place in a business relationship.

The Shidduch Site's Dating Tips

Marriage is a primarily deeply human endeavor with critical practical demands thrown in. Business is a primarily pragmatic, 'what's in it for me' relationship with important human elements thrown in. The current shidduch approaches practiced in much of the observant community involve way more than simply 'checking references' or 'discussing with a third party. But the flawed, contrived theories and methods employed in much of the shidduch scene has no evidence to support its success or efficacy.

Did we mention it is often ridiculous and demeaning? And the divorce rate is rising significantly in the observant population. It is part of the same larger malaise that keeps kids out of certain schools because their mothers wear denim skirts or the wrong headcovering, or their fathers pursue the wrong profession if any. It is an approach that is another piece of the romanticizing of a 'Europe' that actually never was.

It is an approach, in its present form, that ignores the individuality, humanity, and depth of people in favor of unfounded, laughable social perspectives and theories that do nothing to address the humanity of the participants. It is founded on an ongoing lack of social contact, experience, and skills which foster an inability to deal with deeper variations in philosophy, sentiment, intellect, or talents. Read some time the difficulties confronting converts or newly-observant people with schools or shidduchim as they report it on some of the blogs like BeyondBT.

The comments can be very disturbing. The best thing about much of the shidduch scene is it tells sensitive, intelligent, multidimensional people where NOT to look. Your last point is well appreciated, namely, once you're hitched, try hitching up your friends. Just chiming in to confirm that yes, Yaakov is indeed 'Jacob' in the original Hebrew. And 'Isaac' is Yitzchak in Hebrew while we're on the subject. We all know that orthodox dating practices are different than other Jewish groups or the secular public.

However, there isn't much explanation of the process. And most of the kvetching whining is about being an "older single," which most converts and baalei teshuva are. Unfortunately, most of the internet resources on the topic are on specific topics.

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So, in the interest of simplification and practicality, I'm going to try to make an overview of the orthodox dating process. This article presumes that you are just beginning to date in an orthodox fashion, and therefore, does not deal with the circumstances of someone who has been trying and not finding success. No one will let you start this process until you've finished your conversion.

If you find someone, you find someone, but no reputable website or matchmaker will take you until you have a shiny conversion certificate. The Goal Dating for marriage, not for the sake of dating. Getting Ready to Date The first rule of dating for everyone is that if you want to love someone else, you must love yourself first.

Healthy self esteem and self-acceptance. Think about what you want from life. What are your life goals? It is an alternative that has proven very successful in bringing two busy people who are geographically far from each other more than a four-hour car drive together. Over the past few months I know of at least two mainstream frum couples who have gotten engaged after starting their dating by speaking over Skype. After a few Skype conversations, where things seemed to be going well, the less-busy one of the two traveled to the other. Realize that not every situation is the same, and no person is the same.

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You may have heard of boys who pick up and travel anywhere they need to go to date girls. Perhaps those boys have a very light schedule. Or maybe they work from their computer, so they can take their work wherever they go.

Try not to compare your friends situations, because every situation and person is very different. It is said that bringing two people together is as difficult as kriyas Yam Suf. What does this mean?

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Just as Hashem had to go against His nature to split the Yam Suf, so, too, a boy and a girl from different backgrounds, with preconceived notions of what their ideal match will be, need to go against their nature and come together despite the inevitable differences and prior expectations. So many people see differences and run away.

Those who keep running away may just be escaping commitment, and the one Hashem is sending them. What is crucial to remember is that the decision is supposed to be difficult, especially if you battle anxiety with decisions as it is. The decision is as difficult as splitting the sea. You are two separate souls who have grown up in different places, who have different expectations, and maybe even a different picture of what you always thought you wanted in a spouse.

It is when we differentiate our wants from our true needs that we really can become more open-minded, and allow the shidduch to flourish. By doing this, we are in essence allowing the sea to split, leading to our ultimate goal of marriage. Michelle Mond from Baltimore, MD is a licensed Esthetician by profession, and is currently working as a busy wife and mother. In her extra time she works as a shadchan for young men and women all over the US, in addition to writing about shidduch-related topics for local papers. Recent Posts Jewish Dating: Things to think about while your photo is being taken Jewish Dating Advice: Your profile is currently Deactivated.

Would you like to reactivate your account and be able to log in again? For assistance, please email support sawyouatsinai. This article originally appeared in the Jewish Press on June 3rd About 10 years ago, I went to Israel for a brief visit and met up with the Kuper family, old friends I hadn't seen for many years.

As soon as they saw me, they pounced, as if I was an angel who had come to redeem them. You know a lot of people! We hear that you're good at it! Everyone is talking about you! We have a daughter who is She goes out on dates, but hasn't found the right one yet! It's crazy out there! I had no choice - I had to help them; they were depending on me.

There was only one problem: I didn't know any eligible bachelors in Israel and I had only two days before my return flight to New York. The grandparents charged into the living room while we were chatting. The grandmother was a jolly, but forceful sort of woman, she turned to me with a serious look on her face and gravely said, "You better find Rebecca a husband.

I was too scared to say no. I couldn't let the Kupers down.

She left with a look of relief, believing that she'd just shed a huge burden by passing it to me. She had patted me on my back and told me to enjoy myself; but I didn't have time to enjoy myself. Two days to get the job done, or I would lose the respect of close friends. I had a year-old second cousin, Daniel, who was still single. I was confident that Rebecca would be interested in him because he was a kind, smart, tall, Orthodox and handsome guy.