At this point, you say you are none of those things as a couple yet. It shouldn't become a discussion unless you two mutually decide to be exclusive and no longer seek out new dating partners. If you didn't decide to remove your dating profile for other reasons, wouldn't you still have yours up? Would you be this bothered if his Facebook status said "Single"? I don't necessarily think 3 weeks is too soon to think about being exclusive, but each relationship is different. At this point, it doesn't sound like you have headed in that direction just yet.
Is It Good Online Dating Etiquette To Remove My Profile After I Meet Someone?
If you feel you could have that talk, then do so, but don't mention the dating profile until it's clear what your intentions are. If you are sleeping together, you absolutely have a right to know if he is seeing other people, and for him to suggest that he wasn't actually obligated to answer you when you inquired about it is a big red flag. I think weeks of multiple successful dates is a good time to check in and say, "Hey, you're great, this is awesome.
Think it's time to close up our profiles so we can see where this goes? Sure, he doesn't have to, but IMO if he wants to keep dating you, it would be wise for him to do so. If an exclusive relationship is what you're looking for and you'd like to go in that direction with this guy, I don't think it's too early to talk about it.
He may not be looking for that, in general or with you, and if that would be a dealbreaker for you it's certainly reasonable to address it now.
When Exactly Should I Take Down My Profile?
I personally prefer monogamous relationships and if I feel like I'm getting emotionally invested I may say something like, "So, will you be my boyfriend? If he is lukewarm, then you can make a call about whether or not you want to date him casually or move on. A lot of women insist on exclusivity when they sleep with a man, so I think you would be entirely reasonable to tell him that given your level of intimacy, you are not comfortable with him dating other people.
Am I the only one reading this as the OP telling the dude that he doesn't have to answer if he doesn't want to? That she asked the question and immediately said, "but you don't have to answer? You're second guessing yourself! It is OK to ask for what you want! It is OK to expect people to be honest with you! Don't make excuses for people. Let them prove to you that they're worth your time. Don't give people reasons to walk all over you. And then let him answer without answering for him. Oh WOW I totally misread that too.
I redact the first paragraph of my initial response. I can't speak for the exclusivity thing, but it's worth talking about. But I can comment on the dating profile thing: The timing of taking down a profile sends all kinds of messages. As does Facebook friending and relationshipping. He probably doesn't want to scare you away by jumping the gun too early. There's no standard answer to this, like "2 months" or "9 days.
Some couples take months to get to that point, some take days. The question I think you really want answered is "is he seriously interested in me, and does he want to be exclusive with me? Only he can let you know whether he's seriously interested and wants exclusivity.
Is It Good Online Dating Etiquette To Remove My Profile After I Meet Someone?
If you are in the market for an exclusive relationship, you might want to have this conversation first with people, before you get to this point where you've shared a lot of intimacy but you have that odd thing where you've been physically intimate but are totally afraid to ask them how they feel about the relationship and its future.
That can really be backwards. It sounds as though he likes you, but it's not clear that he's serious - we can't answer that, only he can. In future, have this conversation before you're afraid to. Have you two talked at all about what your respective long-term goals are, relationship-wise?
Do you know for a fact that he is monogamy-minded, and ultimately looking for exclusivity? If you've not had that basic conversation, now would be a good time to do so. It seems kind of weird at this point to expect him to take his profile down. You've been seeing him three weeks. I also started getting antsy about this very question after three weeks of amazing dates with my now-SO. Things were just so Or so it seemed to me -- but was it mutual?
I waited another couple of weeks to speak to him about it -- I wanted to sift through my own anxiety and let it settle. Ultimately, the conversation came up pretty organically -- I was not comfortable with sex outside an exclusive relationship, so when it came time to discuss such matters, I also discussed the fact that I'd pulled down my profile. He said he hadn't seen anyone else since our first date so, my anxiety was for naught! So, if you need a plausible reason to recite to yourself for why this gentleman is still active on OKC, there's one for you to mull. Now, I didn't then ask him to shut down his profile, but I did say it bothered me a bit.
A day or two later because he didn't like bothering me, I presume -- he's that kind of gentleman , he closed his account. If this thing between you is mutual, you're not going to scare him off by admitting that you're developing feelings and want to give exclusivity a shot. And since you're sleeping with him, it's also not just an emotional issue, it could certainly be considered a health issue. But you know what? If that's the case, it's really important information for you to know.
That aside, if he's enthusiastic and at all serious about where things might go, he'll have no problem with the conversation.
I don't think you should ask him to do anything, but I don't think you should expect this to become a relationship until he stops. You should keep looking and dating until you guys mutually agree on an exclusive relationship. Don't expect anything until then. I think that once you've discussed being exclusive, then you should take it down.
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I did the mistake of leaving it up and so did my boyfriend at the time. We were mutually logged in once and we discovered each other and it caused all sorts of hurtful feelings. He deleted his, but I simply forgot and once he asked me about it and I said, yes it is still up. It was uncomfortable, but we deleted it together. If I could do it over again, I'd like to do it together as our own little event to remember.
But you need to realise that deletion also means that your messages will be lost and people who have favourited you will lose the ability to see that profile. But when should you do that? A lot of it will depend on the vibe you are getting from the other person while messaging and after meeting and of course from following your own heart. What I would say here is not to delete or hide your profile too early.
Doing so can actually have a detrimental effect if the other person is taking things casually. If they are still using the site and see you have taken your profile down, it could send out a message that you are taking them far more seriously than they are taking you, making them run for the hills, or decide that they have you on a piece of string to pull any time they fancy. Having a dating profile active can be incredibly tempting, especially if people are contacting you.
This creates a situation that can be difficult to resolve. It is also a situation that is rarely covered by the dating sites help pages or forums. Basically, you can be on your own at the most crucial point. There are alternatives to removing your profile too early however. Firstly, you could remove the photographs from your profile. This sort of removes you from the interest of most people, sending a message to the person you are dating that you are hedging your bets but still displaying a strong nod towards them.
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Alternatively, or in addition, you could block people from messaging you. At the end of the day, everyone on the site is dating.