While I agree to certain extent, I've also noticed that people in San Francisco have become way too reliant on dating apps. It's gotten so out of hand that I've even gone on dates where we've talked about which dating apps are our favorite.
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I've heard my friends brag about having four dates lined up in one week. At the end of the day, however, dating apps become exhausting and meeting up with people you don't even know usually turns into a waste of your precious time.
Bottom line - When it comes to dating apps, you should try to focus on finding one person you might have a connection with, rather than jumping around all the time and swiping right. I was chatting about dating with a married friend of mine. I told her that the men in San Francisco just don't want to commit.
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She mentioned that it all depends on age, noting that the older a man is, the more serious he will want to be. I let her know that this isn't always the case based on experience. The women in San Francisco aren't much better.
I know a handful of women who have already started freezing their eggs to ensure that they can still have children in their forties, since they are so sure they won't settle down until they are much older. Bottom line - San Francisco singles aren't looking to settle down too soon. Get used to it. Sure, people "live" here, but the men and women of SF always seem to be traveling. For instance, you can go on two great dates with someone and then the next day you will find out that they have to travel for the next month.
Sure, if you really like someone and get to know them, then you can try maintain a relationship during this travel period. Most of the time, things here tend to fizzle out due to the fact that no one is actually ever around long enough to get to know each other. Bottom line - San Franciscans travel a lot.
We should embrace this and settle down when we feel ready. I've been told more than once from my girlfriends about how they've met this really great guy who is never around because he works all the time. This "work all the time" mentality is common practice in SF. We broke up two years later, at which time I gave myself a deadline of a year to decide if I was going to pursue having a child.
I conceived on my first try, but unfortunately miscarried a few months later. I realized I was too busy, overworked, and too stressed to be able to conceive. I made some significant changes in my life in support of conception. Sure enough, after those changes settled into place, at age 41 I tried again, and became pregnant the 2nd month of trying.
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In the beginning I was studying for my marriage and family therapy licensing exam and so most of my energy went into my study process. At times, I felt alone, being single, not having a partner with whom I could share all the changes I was experiences. I made sure I supported myself by being healthy emotionally, psychologically and physically all through my pregnancy. What has been the most challenging experience of the journey?
Trying to conceive month after month, for years, was challenging. At times it was difficult to find the courage and strength inside of myself to continue trying. I believed that there was a child for me and that this was the right choice for me, but the endurance required to stay connected to that belief was sometimes hard to stay connected to. I kept re-committing to my desire to become a parent. Doubt was a steady companion during certain parts of the journey: I had to face many of these doubts on my own, which was sometimes hard. I had wonderful friends, but none of them were trying to conceive.
What saved me was the community of other Thinkers, Triers and Choice Moms who had been through the process and could understand. I can not stress enough how important it is to have a good support system on the journey to becoming a choice mom.
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We would call each other almost daily; tracked each others cycles, and were there for the disappointments and the joys of the journey. Furthermore, my spirituality, journal writing, exercise, support from a therapist, many friendships were the cocoon of support I enveloped myself in to be able to continue trying all those months.
The gift of my son. Thinking of him brings tears to my eyes as he is the light and delight of my life. He looks at me with unconditional love.
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What advice would you give single women considering becoming a choice mom? For single women in the Thinking phase of becoming a choice mom, I would encourage you all to become really clear who and where your support systems are.
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Friends, neighbors, other parents, spiritual community; ask yourself who are the people you can count on? Also consider the different kinds of support you will need and who that support will come from: I talked to other parents about their childcare needs and how much it would cost. Being clearer about the cost of childcare would have not changed my mind about having a child on my own but I would be digesting the cost much easier now.
I also would encourage single women to think about their living situation. Is the location a place you feel comfortable having a baby in, do you feel safe. Access to shops, walking, ease of work to ability to connect with others. I would encourage all women thinking about being a single mother to get support from a professional.