Be interesting, show them what you have in common and give them reason to message you back.
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We rely on advertising to help fund our award-winning journalism. Of course, the reply wouldn't be just about that; assume he also has a good response to what she wrote in the first email. Some of these answers that say to wait till the "2nd or 3rd email" are unclear to me whether they mean both people should have sent 2 or 3 emails, or that it's fine for the date question to be in the 2nd email altogether which could be the first email from him.
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Since this question is all about details, that's a crucial distinction. The other thing to remember is that women typically get dozens to hundreds of replies doing online dating. So, women have to be judicious as to how they use their time.
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It only takes a few minutes to email, whereas a date can take up hours of your day. When you have so many replies, you have to decide which ones you're going to invest more of your time in. The guys you know more about, have a better idea that you'll click with, are probably the ones you'll invest more time in. If one guy just asks me out without talking to me at all, and another guy has spent a week talking with me, it's much more likely that I'll invest my time in meeting the second guy, all else being equal.
I'd go for it, and probably be happy to have the meet and decide if the guy is a possibility or not without too much investment. But I like spontaneity and boldness. I mean, all this blah blah and you're going to have to cut to the chase and meet in the flesh anyway, right?
As long as there's enough written communication to see that the guy knows where to put apostrophes and can form coherent sentences. Let's meet at X and have some tea. Bring a deck of cards and your three favorite knock-knock jokes. If she sends the first email, then I think he could ask her out on the first email he sends, but only if there has been enough small talk in those first emails to make it seem like he's not just Thrilled to Be Contacted read: I understand totally that you want to cut through all the endless emailing, but emails is a reasonable compromise.
What would work for me: Would you like to get a cup of coffee sometime and talk about [that book we both love, or whatever]? Would you like to go to [fancy restaurant] and [long movie] with me tonight? I'm definitely game to gamble that on a person I've only exchanged one message with and wouldn't assume that person is just looking for a hook-up or is a sleeze. The second is a datedate and too much of a commitment for me to make for someone I don't know at all.
I'm a hetero dude but here's my two cents: This only happened to me once as a guy getting a message from a girl. She asked me out for a specific activity related to something I put on my profile, for that weekend, and she framed it in a humorous way. Unfortunately her profile made it seem like she wasn't my type I had in fact already seen her profile and skipped over it and her asking me on a date in the first email somewhat confirmed it. I probably would have responded to a normal message if she had sent it, although I probably wouldn't have asked her out on a date unless the emails went really well.
Personally I solved the same problem too many messages, not enough dates by going for the date at around the third message. There is going to be some proportion of the women you message that will be weirded out by asking on the first message but who would have accepted after a few messages, you just have to weigh that against really not wanting to spend time messaging.
Even though it's true, I don't think "I'm sick of messaging people" is really a good way to make a first impression. I think the risk is more that you'll seem like you're mailing hundreds of date requests out to every random girl within a 20 mile radius. Even though you've read her profile and whatnot it's still going to seem impersonal if you ask her out without having any kind of conversation with her at all. Personally, I wouldn't mind, especially if: Your offer is for a relatively casual activity in a very public place coffee or lunch - rather than dinner.
You explain perhaps in an edited version of what you wrote here why you would like to make the date on the first email. You mention some things you liked about my profile that led to your interest. This can include my picture but only as one of several factors. You are honest and polite.
Obviously I won't know how genuine any of that is but I don't think two more emails would make that much of a difference. I did it by widening my search on a whim and found someone several states away and then we emailed a ton, admittedly. It only takes one.
So the answer is:
I have to be in a certain kind of mood to go on a date with sameone I literally know nothing about so I think a few emails is important so you know you are on the same page at least. I think it is a really bad idea to use emails to build attraction or chemistry. After you know the bare minimum of age, work situation, big interests, whatever is important to you it's time to meet in person.
Yeah at least wait for a positive response from the lady first. If you wrote me a decent length e-mail for a first contact but not TOO wordy!
Email | Email Questions
But I have also found that I can be very interested in someone online but then discover there's absolutely no chemistry in person. You know, it might boil down to the kind of person you are looking for. I mean, I'd go out and meet anyone who seemed reasonably intelligent and vaguely clever. There are strangers all around everywhere, and I am not afraid to chat with someone new.
Should Women Send Emails to Men?
But I do all kinds of nutty things I lived without indoor plumbing, and in an intentional community and sometimes my SOs weren't into that later in the relationship. Maybe that's not the sort of person you want to end up with. I'm a woman on OKCupid, and I'm in the "go for it" camp. I'm a huge fan of X too, but I might have to debate you on innocuous topic Y from her profile.
Would you like to meet for a drink or coffee sometime? If she has written to YOU first, then yeah, your reply can definitely be a suggestion to meet. If I initiate contact, you've already crossed my threshold for "meetable. This kind of pattern indicates to me that the guy is patient, not a player, and genuinely intrigued about me but not in some desperate rush and not a stalker which is how I feel about guys who visit my profile multiple times a day, oy! Oh, and feel free to memail me if you'd like a little anonymous objective feedback on your profile, I'd be happy to.
I have used and currently use online sites to find dates. I agree that it is tiresome to write back and forth repeatedly. I have a pretty busy life, and all that time spent emailing can feel like having another part time job. So, I have been receptive to men who in their initial contact with me say something like: I am the kind of person who likes to just meet and see if we can hit it off instead of emailing back and forth repeatedly.
Wanna hang out tonight? Text me at " posted by medeine at If she sends the first email, then I think he could ask her out on the first email he sends Well, I'm not sure why you say most responses say he should wait till the second email he sends, since your own advice would seem to suggest a different rule: If the second email altogether is sent by her, then by definition he'll have to wait till the next email to ask her out.