It's so male-skewed that it's ridiculous. It's no wonder that so many women feel that men their own age are too immature. It's because of this urban legend that has gone around forever. Based upon this rule, the only time that a man can date a woman his own age is when he's 14 years old because half of 14 is seven, and seven plus seven is So the ripe old age of 14 -- the age when you still have pimples, are as insecure as can be and are unlikely to get anything more than a kiss from a woman your own age -- is the only time when you can enjoy dating a woman your own age?
What about if your year-old looks at you and says, "I'm ready to date, Dad"? Do you say, "No problem. Half your age is five. Add seven to that, so you can date a year-old -- an older woman"? There is so much a year-old can teach a year-old -- advanced coloring, advanced texting, and so many other important life skills. Then you get a little older. You're 20 years old and, under this rule, you can date a year-old. There you are in college, and you get to go back to high school again to find a girlfriend. When you're 25, you can date a and-a-half-year-old. So there you are in the working world for the last three years, and now you can date sophomores in college.
You can go back to attending frat parties and having people throw up on you. When you're 30, you can date a year-old.
That's exactly where you want to be. You have been out in the business world for eight years, and you want to be dating a girl fresh out of college? Do you really want to date someone who hasn't actually had a real job yet and is still going out and drinking like a college student? You don't need to deal with this bullshit. Breaking up and getting back together multiple times is something that teenagers or other 20 year olds do, not mature grown men in their 30s.
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I don't think the issue here is this man's age, but rather his maturity or rather, lack thereof. He seems to want to control the level of contact you guys have, the amount and type of physical contact, and the length of your relationship. OP, is that what you want from a boyfriend? Late night conversations makes this worse, not better.
"I'm 19, he's 32. Is it weird that we're dating?"
He's keeping you from being intimate with anyone else, any one who is not him. Yet, he doesn't believe in relationships that last more than 5 years? And he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, anyway? Please don't let someone like this have that kind of power over your present or future. Your first statements about him pressuring you for sex were very clear. Also, your statements were very familiar to me, so therefore, much more believable than your backtracking.
Please don't make excuses for this guy. It is NOT your fault that he came on so strong and inappropriately, so don't take on his burden by now downplaying what happened. You're better than that. Please understand that men will be propositioning you in ways that reflect poorly on them not you for many many years to come. No one here is slut-shaming you, so don't you do start doing that to yourself!! Telling you what kind of sex you should engage in?
That he has weighed in with his opinion on what type of sexual intimacies you should try, and in what order, despite the fact that he's rejected you as too young, yet he texts and phone calls you like you are his girlfriend Every second you spend talking to or thinking about this guy puts you further away from appreciating how valuable your time and energy is, and further away from being in the relationship you really want.
I have a weird feeling that this guy is an investment banker, or at least that type. In that culture, a pretty 20 year old virgin is a trophy. I suspect he can't bear to give the trophy up to anyone else, but is aware of how using you would harm you; thus, his conflict.
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You can do better. Your follow-up response has made it abundantly clear to me that 1 you like and admire the man, and 2 you're going to become increasingly uncomfortable with the responses on this thread. So, my practical answer for you is No - he's not robbing the cradle. Age gaps are not the critical issue alone. Rather, continue seeing him as long as you are fulfilled and enjoying the relationship with him. When that changes, move on.
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OP, of the things wrong with this relationship, the age difference is not one of them. I do like him but I also do really appreciate all the advice that everyone has given here. I believe there is cause to question the relationship I wouldn't have posted if I didn't. In the follow up comment, I was just trying to make sure I was portraying it the right way which might not have been the case when I posted late last night posted by avenue at Ugh this guy is way too immature and gross for a 34 year old guy.
He wants to have sex with you and then put in caveats and pretend he has a deep emotional life. He's gross and immature and wants to have sex with you and will say whatever it takes. What I'm getting is that he doesn't love or care about you. He isn't even respectful but is trying to seem like it. I tend to agree that 20 is quite a different stage of life then a few years later, such as 24, and that in that sense 24 is much "closer" to 34 than 20 is. It's a different stage of life in terms of maturity and in terms of life experience, and the reason is because there's usually a long process of transitioning, rather than an overnight one, from being a dependent child of parents to being an independent adult who is a mature grown up person, and for many people that transition is still a work in progress when they are 20 but is much more completed when they are I think what this guy is experiencing is a struggle between being attracted to you personality, etc.
And I agree with everyone saying he has a girlfriend. He's regularly having sex with someone who doesn't know he's saying these things to you. When I was in my early 20's I dated a lot of people in their 30's.
I didn't feel that it was inappropriate, or that anyone was "robbing the cradle" or that I was being taken advantage of in any way. In fact, quite the opposite -- in most of those situations I felt like a mooch because I had less money than my partner and in general less ability to be the "giver" rather than the "taker".
"I'm 19, he's Is it weird that we're dating?" - HelloGiggles
I also felt like I was holding those partners back, that they should be off building a life for themselves, not running around with a 22 year old. That said, there were some really big drawbacks to the age difference. For one thing, the power differential of always being the needy one in the relationship and never being able to give generously of myself really bummed me out. I also felt like my partners were experiencing pressures about dating someone so young, while if anything I was getting approval from my friends about my choice of awesome partners who, like, had jobs and were good at sex and stuff.
Also, in every case, we were in very different places in our lives. This meant that the relationships were ultimately doomed. In almost all cases, these people broke up with me to date someone closer to their own age. In most cases, a specific person closer to their own age.
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It really sucks to hear "I met someone else" or "I'm going to start seeing [Katie] exclusively" rather than the general "this isn't working out" breakup script. The constant threat of there being someone else who was more appropriate for my partner to be dating and thus who would always win out in the end kind of messed me up for a while.
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I'm also a little concerned that you are still in college, while presumably your boyfriend is not. College is really a time to be in the headspace of school, and it's hard to do that if your primary social interactions are with people who are not in school, or worse, people who left school behind 10 years ago. As a 31 year old, I absolutely would never consider dating a traditionally-aged college student.
Not because the year age difference is too much, but because of the college kid thing. I'd consider dating someone who was 21 or 22 but out of school. I would not consider someone the same age who still had a year or more of college.
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- Do You Date Age-Appropriately? | HuffPost Life.
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- Do You Date Age-Appropriately?.
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I also somehow missed the whole virginity thing in your question. As a virgin, you are basically incompatible with someone in their 30's. You are sexually on different planets. Go date someone who is around your age, who will see the whole "losing my virginity" thing from the same level you do. Hell, a 20 or even 23 year old guy has a decent shot at being a virgin himself, or at least being sexually inexperienced enough that this won't really be a thing.
Someone who is 34 and became sexually active around the typical age range has been having sex for close to half their life now.