I disagree that you should do the ignore thing. You've met them in social situations around town, you're likely to meet them again. I agree with desjardins that "I don't think we're a match, but Also, they have friends. A people pleaser indeed! You do not owe anyone a date.
It's important to learn that for your own well-being, sometimes you have to say no, and I agree with others who have said that in this situation the best way to say no is just not to reply. If you've met them face to face before and want to be friends but not date, then just tell them that. If they want an explanation, feel free to say "I would prefer not to", or simply not reply, as you prefer.
If you don't want to risk burning a bridge with them, you could offer coffee in the daytime, but that's really optional. Yeah, if you've met them in person you can't do the ignore.
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I like desjardin's advice "I don't think we're a match I can deal much better with the straightforward approach when there isn't some sort of evaluation of me involved. When you haven't met the person, ignore.
Even though I don't place huge emotions in whatever happens with online dating, it kind of sucks to see you have a new message, open it and get a no. I usually just think the person is full of themselves enough to think I'm just hanging on their reply. I also don't send those messages to people who message me, when I don't want to go on a date with them.
Agreeing that no response is the usual internet dating way to handle this. It's important to remember that e-dating values are different than RL values for better or worse , and not responding is perfectly OK, even preferred. That said, if you do need to respond, simply say 'Thanks, but no thanks'.
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And then do not communicate any further, even when prodded. I'll go against the grain and say it strikes me a guy as polite to send a quick I'll-pass note, 'specially if the person's taken the time to write more than a sentence or two. If you're concerned about follow-ups, you can send the note and block the people.
Goodness, ignoring people is the polite thing nowadays? I much more would rather get a 'thank you, but no thank you' response then being blanked. Unless someone is being a jerk, or being aggressive, not responding just seems like the easy-for-me avoidance solution, not the polite solution. Polite to me way to do it: I am sorry, but I am not interested right now.
Either Ambient2 or edgeways notes are fine. Sure they may be bummed, but at least they'll know where they stand and they can move onto someone else.
After 10 Years, Here's Why I’m Over Online Dating
Random ladies you don't know, I think it's safe to ignore. No wondering if the person got your email, and no awkwardness. A quick response and onto the next person. I agree that "Thanks for your message but I don't think we'd be a good match" is the polite way to go. It's how I'd want to be treated so I used that as my guide.
I generally vote for "ignore" in these situations, but I have experience with this sort of situation that makes me feel like you may want to actually say something. When a person that I knew from around town -- not a friend, acquaintance, or even someone I'd ever actually spoken with, just someone I'd seen around at a few topical events -- found me on OKC, he wrote me a message immediately asking me out on a date.
I ignored it because he was so very much not my type physically that it would be an impossible gap to breach, many of his OKC answers were diametrically opposed to mine including the fact that he wanted kids and I do not, which is dealbreaker territory in your 30s ; besides, we did not actually know each other at all. Ignoring his message felt similar to ignoring those gas station attendants that always ask you for your phone number when you just want to buy gas. A month or so later, I disabled my account because having an exceedingly busy life had utterly superseded any desire to date.
A few days later, he found my email address we belong to a local email list that, hatefully, does not use blind carbon copy and sent me an message asking if he was the reason I disabled my OKC account. At that point, I stopped attending the events I would see him at and never again returned. When I see him now, I avert my eyes. He did not have the courage to ever speak to me in person, ever: Thinking that disabling my OKC account had anything to do with him whatsoever: I should have just said no.
I've literally never gotten a "thanks, but no thanks" response online , but I definitely have after I've gone on multiple, increasingly awkward dates with people who did not like me at all but were, I guess, trying to be nice? There's no need to waste everyone's time with that approach. Please do not just go on dates with these women.
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As a lady who is currently seeking a dude to date, and who is often the initiator in these sorts of situations, I can attest that we are mostly adults who can handle honest rejection so long as it is delivered quickly and with minimal fuss -- truly, it is OK! In fact, I think dudes I like who reject me as a prospective partner right up front are pretty sweet for having the nerve to just rip the band-aid off, and I have gone on to be good friends with some of them as a result.
The only way these women could possibly think poorly of you is if you are rude in declining their invitations, or if you agree to take them out on dates while already knowing you did not want to be involved with them in any way. The fact that you're not romantically interested in them will have to come out sooner or later, right? You shouldn't try to fake it and ignore your own feelings in hopes that you will be able to spare someone else from discomfort. We will never be able to spare people from discomfort, even if we do everything they want us to do. And the person you would attempt to force yourself to date would notice how hollow your words and actions are, sooner or later.
Dropping a quick note with something like "I'm flattered that you'd like to go out on a date with me, but I just don't think we'd make a good match romantically. Take care, best of luck!
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I would respond to someone if I knew them outside of the dating site. I message people sometimes and forget about it pretty quickly no matter how much I liked their profile. I'm only going to remember you if you message me back. The only time I start to get into someone if is we have a couple of messages back and forth and it looks like we might meet, but that's regardless of whether I messaged first or the guy did. I would be really disappointed if I found out someone went on a date with me out of some sort of guilty feeling of obligation.
I message lots of people on dating sites. If every single guy who wasn't into me wrote to explain that I would just cry. Once you've met, it's polite to respond. I hate being ignored when I message someone, so I don't do that to guys that make an honest attempt to reach out to me. I was looking at my OKC inbox last night and realized that over the years I had skipped over a not-small amount of messages Some even from interesting people but maybe not interesting enough to date.
Thought it would be fun to write back just for the heck of it. One thing that doesn't seem so bad to do is to write a short note back, minimal, kind and acknowledging but fail to invite any follow-up by not asking questions. Works for me more often than not, but I might not have OP's natural magnetism. Not very many women in our culture are forward enough to ask for the date themselves for better and for worse usually for worse.
After 10 Years, Here's Why I’m Over Online Dating | HuffPost
If they do, ain't nothing wrong with a straight forward, kind rejection. I'm not interested in that way, you know? Hope you find someone who is! The courage to ask is rare and deserves to be nurtured if only for the sake of the next guy who might appreciate the message. The idea that one shouldn't waste one's time or others' time on dates with folks who aren't perfect matches is kind of silly, too. Go out if you want to go out and don't go out if you don't want to go out. Obligations and expectations on first dates are for the birds.
I don't believe in ignoring perfectly friendly people, whether in person or online. They're real people, even if it's the internet. If someone has clearly spent time reading over your profile and has put an effort into composing a personalized message, they deserve some form of response. Mind you, you are not obligated to thoroughly explain yourself.
There are many reasons for why you may not be interested, such as not feeling attracted to their photographs, uninterested in their personal description, living too far apart, holding contrasting political or religious beliefs, or looking for different types of relationships.
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The list goes on. The best way to respond would be to thank them for reaching out, and offering a kind explanation. If you are not attracted to their photo and this is enough of a reason to support your disinterest, it would obviously be unkind to say so. A gentle white lie in this case is advised. Remember, if someone is reaching out to you, then they are knowingly putting themselves into a vulnerable position.
People also invest themselves to varying degrees, so as in any situation, the best response is a kind one. In the end, it is up to you to decide whether or not to respond. You are not obligated either way, but in cases whereby someone has obviously invested their time to write to you, the polite and mature way to decline the connection is through a brief, clear, and kind response.
Turning someone down and being turned down is a part of the dating game. We are not responsible for sparing anyone else of this reality, especially at the expense of our own truths. However, by playing the dating game we are also responsible for exercising compassion and being communicative with those we are not interested in but who flatter us with their interest. Stephanie Arnold is a writer, visual artist and composer who seeks to unveil the working structures of the human psyche. She works to share valuable insights that stem from personal experience and assist in the development of deeper levels of self-awareness, especially in regards to a sincere and healthy relationship to love and loving.
The core of her philosophy is that self-love is the root of loving outwardly, and is therefore necessary to develop if one wishes to create fruitful relationships with others. Her evolving portfolio may be found at www.