My ex was also in recovery, but it was somewhat of a double-edged sword nagging one another to make it to meetings. Dating in sobriety was foreign territory to me after divorce. It was a case-by-case situation. I had many ideas on how to make things go off without a hitch or awkwardness.
Alcoholics/addicts in online dating world
I decided to meet up with a guy named Thad I met on Bumble. He asked me out for happy hour. I agreed but planned ahead. I made sure I got there 15 minutes before, ensured I could get myself a club soda and have a beverage waiting for him. When he arrived he seemed cute enough. Something about him was creepy. He would ask me questions almost as if he had been rehearsing how to prepare for a date. I nursed my soda while he threw back three scotches on the rocks. Then I suddenly realized what it was.
It was as if Patrick Bateman and Ted Bundy had a baby together. He was looking to get laid and maybe attempt violent sex with me and possibly kill me.
Leveraging Technology
Or have one glass of wine. He was attractive, and he was probably used to liquoring up girls and having his way. At first, it seemed like he was ready to bolt. Then he calmed down. We would already be back at my place in bed. I was rapidly losing all hope that dating was even possible for me again post-divorce. It was certainly proving to be pointless. Once again, I deleted all dating apps from my phone. Swiping right and left had left me expecting nothing less than tons of trouble—not a love connection.
As I walked home, I glanced down at my phone: I had gotten a text from the Ad Man my friend Hillary had encouraged me to meet up with. We have a lot of catching up to do.
But advertising revenue helps support our journalism. To read our full stories, please turn off your ad blocker. Co-dependents always want to "help". It is like a siren call I think serial online daters are pretty skilled psychologically - they know what will make other people feel good or important. Abf told me on second date he was sober and in AA.
Funny too because on our first date I was so nervous when we went for lunch and walked into the restaurant I actually said "oh good there's a bar!
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Had I known then what I know now I wouldn't have gotten involved. Yes I saw this as a red flag but prior to our relationship I never knew addiction. I thought "oh cool he doesn't drink and does this program, neat". I guess in the same way I thought "ah ok he's separated for years now so single? On the third date I met him after a meeting where he did a lead and was like the most popular guy in school. Lots of fans in the program too. If anything I wanted to know more. I just imagined him as this omnipotent-like motivational speaker who was part of some "program" that he followed strictly.
He'd leap up each night at 9pm on the button no matter what we were doing, to take the call from his sponsor. I think there was a part of me that was almost impressed. Foreign as it was, this naive part of me just thought "right on, he's a teetotaler. A real comitted one too! Had no idea of the dark side of addiction. How horrific it would be to live through. I'm not saying every girl on the internet is going to be as naive as I was, but perhaps you start chatting with a guy who seems to be "perfect" and you go out, he shares that he's in rehab - unless it's for drugs which is so much less socially acceptable, you think "ah ok well everyone has a drinking problem these days".
The Original Sober Dating Site - Singles in Recovery
Fast forward - why didn't I know better? I think more than the internet dating pool just being full of codependents, it's more likely full of people who don't really know alcoholism.
Not the side of it that has its own community of partners who suffer in the shadows and lives just as destroyed as the addicts that bring them along for the ride. Or ones even more like me, where we get the eventual front row seat and stay despite.
They move on from one woman to the next as the one before eventually leaves because she can't take it. So off to find one who can, until she can't. That way she can make an educated decision of what she's in for. We had a conversation about this at dinner the other night people--I happened to volunteer that day with someone I didn't know.
She shared that she had an SO. Oh, how did you meet? They have been together 7 years.
'I was fresh meat': how AA meetings push some women into harmful dating | Society | The Guardian
Mentioned this at dinner, and was kinda gobsmacked at how many people met their partners online. So it can work, I guess. Have also mentioned before that my friend has no trouble meeting men, but they often come with serious alcoholic baggage. No real point to this post. When sober I cook, I clean, I fix things, I have a great sense of humor, I'm good at parties, great with the kids, and I'm engaged in the bed room-- I'm perfect! What potential I have! Of course when I'm drunk Originally Posted by Maudcat. My father met his 4th wife I know, yikes!
She was a kind-hearted woman and they were married for many years, but she died of cancer some years ago, and he moved on to wife 5, not sure how they met. My brother, who is a serious runner, after his divorce used a site called "Athletic Singles" or something like that since he was very clear in his mind that he wanted to limit his pool to that sort of woman.
He met a Canadian gal, also a very fast and serious runner, and they dated for about 2 years. I have not dated since my divorce and honestly, I'm not sure what it would take to get me interested again, but there are certainly success stories from internet dating services. It seems that one would have to be willing to sift through the findings carefully, keep their eyes open for red flags, and have strong and clear boundaries about what will be acceptable and what will not.