We try and get to the pub on a Friday night to give me a break from cooking and socialize with the townfolk a little. Point Five constantly monitoring his surroundings, watching who comes in the pub door, assessing the risks, and weighing up various options, all subconsciously. The books call it hyper-vigilance -- they are so used to having to be mentally and physically prepared for every possible scenario during their work hours in order to possibly preserve the lives of the public and their own, that it is impossible to switch off.
It becomes part of their psyche. Watch for it, know why they may be distracted and accommodate it. Even when it is subconscious, the constant mental and physical state of flight or fight is exhausting for them; to be under constant public scrutiny. Try to create a peaceful home for them to unwind in. It is really hard to go straight from being a police officer to being fun Daddy, but if we give him some space when he gets home, it happens.
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This happens frequently if you live in a small town. There have been a few times where Mr. Point Five has suddenly ditched us at the shops and we find him a few stores down, or when we were having a family day at our town swimming pool where we have staged it with him having left suddenly.
These things happen and it is for the safety of his family that he does it. He doesn't want the scumbags knowing who is family is and then perhaps targeting us next time we are at the shops without him as our protection. Maybe have a chat about the possibility of this happening and have a back-up plan such as a meet place in the shops or calling each other on the mobile. I try very hard to monitor what I say on public social media with regard to any polarizing opinions I may have, as people may assume my opinion as his.
Police officers must be impartial in their dealings with the public and I would loathe for anything I say on social media to come back and bite him on the arse. My private social media is my own space to be me, but even then I try to be cautious stop laughing, people who know me, I DO try! The example I gave of my behavior affecting him in one of my earlier policewifelife posts is about six months after Mr. Point Five and I had met. He had just started at the academy and I had just handed my driver's license in for three months as I had accumulated one point too many. It was the first Saturday afterwards and I grabbed my keys to duck down to our local Coles which were literally m at the bottom of our street.
Hubby looked at me, dumbstruck. What on earth do you think you are doing? I explained that the car needed a run and we needed groceries. But you have no license he says. Well, duh I said, rolling my eyes, I'll drive carefully won't I? No, he said firmly, you won't and he took the keys off me. I think this was our first major barny and I yelled and screamed at him that I was a grown and independent woman. I was fuming that he was treating me like a child. After I had settled down, we sat together and he explained that because I now live with a police officer who is aware of all my actions, my making decisions like that could very well not just cause ME severe consequences, but could also cost him his career and livelihood.
I honestly had never considered it from the point of view that with the knowledge of what I was doing, he would be put between a rock and a very hard place with severe ramifications for him at one end. It was then I realized that not only was my husband to be a police officer, but exactly what that meant to me, as his wife, and how I must now behave in a much more mature fashion and take responsibility for his job as well as my actions.
My poor choices were no longer my own to make and from then on he drove me to Coles every weekend for three months.
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I mean, a judge or a politician would be frowned upon if they were aware of their partner behaving in such a manner but a police officer stands to lose his job and his career. It's a rough gig. I am reminded of a quote from "Top Gun" where Maverick is getting ripped a new one by Stinger: Now what is it with you? I have not lost a single point since I met hubby now, and you really need to watch your driving as a police spouse, especially in a small town.
You will be held accountable and be crucified by your peers if you step out of line on that one. Accept that the job is dangerous. Try not to worry. I know it's hard when the only words you manage to overhear on that 2 a.
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They have the training and the tools to come home alive. When they get called out to god-awful jobs, they need to know that they can rely on you to hold down the fort, so to speak, that you aren't at home worried sick about them and falling apart. You need to have their back; have their six at home.
A depressing fact is you could also likely lose your police spouse to suicide in addition to whatever dangers they may encounter in their line of work. Something to think about. Perhaps not to tell you all the ins and outs of the job, but how they are feeling and how they are coping. Encourage them to debrief their emotions and be a safe harbor to do so. They may not be able to tell you many details, but they will appreciate the emotional support. Embrace your new blue family. The camaraderie among the officers and their families is amazing. Soak it in and enjoy.
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It's like making friends most places; some you will click with better than others but the underlying unity is there. I am willing to bet in 10 years your best friend will be a police spouse. When we were up in the Pilbara and there were 50 officers, it was like having 50 big brothers up there. If hubby was out on a job, I had a plethora of numbers to call if I heard a bump in the night, had run out of gas or if my TV reception went out.
On Monday, he appeared before the Sydney Downing Centre Local Court and pleaded guilty to the single charge against him. Court documents state that the NSW Police Professional Standards Command were investigating Wendelin for a number of unrelated complaints, causing them to do an audit of his computer accesses.
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After accessing his phone records, investigators realised Wendelin had used the police database at the request of Katy who had egged him on to look up her record. Katy was later interviewed by the police and she told them she had met the offender only once in person and that the pair had exchanged a number of texts. When COPS is accessed by any authorised person, that person is presented with a screen that states, "The system contains confidential information.