That is creepy as all get out! Dump him and run! Tempting as that may be, reacting that way can seriously backfire. It will likely lead to her defending his behavior, and reinforce any messages he's been giving her about how her friends just don't like him.
There's a lot of romance to the "the world is against our love, yet we persevere. Thus, our love is meant to be! Plus, constantly discussing his behavior keeps him the focus of the time that you'd rather spend connecting with your friend. So how do you let her know you think a behavior is a red flag in a way that has a low chance of backfiring?
Keep it short, observational, and about her rather than him. How do you feel about it? It makes it clear that you think something is off about the behavior, but that you're interested in what she thinks and feels about it, rather than in lecturing her or criticizing her choices. The other reason I don't suggest pressuring her to dump him, or to keep reminding her that he's a creepy creeper, is that people don't like to hear that they've made a bad choice.
If many of your conversations with your friend involve you urging her to dump him, or what a bad choice she's making, if something goes south later on she might feel like she can't come to you for help and support because you're going to lord the fact that you were right over her and make her feel foolish. Which is the exact opposite of what you want to happen. By focusing as much as you can on normal friend stuff, you're reminding her that she has someone who cares about her and that she has an emotional and social life outside of her boyfriend.
On the positive side, there's a decent chance that she and creepy dude will break up in a few months, since college relationships tend to evolve and end rapidly. Or, he may escalate his creepiness to a point where it cancels out the traits she liked about him and she'll leave. So, just because she's with him now doesn't mean you're doomed to having this guy hanging on the edges of your friend circle forever.
But there's also the hard reality that you may not be able to stop your friend from falling further into this guys orbit, and at a certain point you need to prioritize keeping yourself and your other friends safe. That's one of the awful things about creepers especially intentional ones and abusers: And they can create sides in a friend group that lead to a lot of acrimony, or that result in people leaving the group entirely, even if you try to stop that from happening.
In the end, what you can do is try to help your friend maintain a social life that doesn't revolve around this guy. You can't control other people's choices, but you can be there for them when they decide that they need a little help from their friends. One last note about his behavior: Even if he can't face disciplinary action, it would be sound to let someone like the resident adviser in the dorms or, if the harassment tends to happen somewhere else, someone who is in charge of that space know what's been happening, as their job is to make sure the dorms are a safe space for students.
If you haven't already, research and find out the process for reporting harassment on campus. That way, if he harasses you, you know how to report him. And let your other friends know that you intend to do so, and that you'll have their backs if he harasses them and they decide to report it as well.
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- Help! My Friend is Dating a Creepy Dude..
Something that keeps people who have been harassed or assaulted silent, and that helps creepers keep creeping, is that many people are afraid to report what happened for fear of push-back from their social circles. So if you create a culture within your friend group of believing each other which it sounds like you at least are already doing and supporting each other, it will make it harder for this guy to operate.
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Skip to main content. My Friend is Dating a Creepy Dude. And now recently one of my friends told me that he raped her a year ago the statute of limitations has passed. I don't trust him. Most of my friends and I do what we can to avoid him. She knows about his bad behavior towards her friends.
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She knew about it when she started dating him. Maybe she doesn't believe it. Maybe she doesn't care. She refuses to listen to their claims that she's dating an asshole.
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He thinks his friends are more important. He puts no effort into the relationship. And every single time he fucks up, guess who has to hear about it? Your best friend comes to you to vent because what are her other options? Talk to him about it? At first, you were supportive. You were kind and understanding, in the beginning. Maybe even a year. Those stupid little mistakes he made in the beginning? They were character traits.
You want to do the right thing. You want to save your best friend from wasting her prime dating years with this piece of human garbage. To her, one of the most important people in her life is telling her that she needs to get rid of the other most important person in her life. You think you can get through to her.