It made me feel like a man. I couldn't tell you how many there were because they were history the minute I dressed and left. Could it be that with his wife too ill to feed his ego sexually, Ray couldn't resists turning to other women for a cheap thrill? But I definitely didn't want Judith to find out, because I knew how much it would hurt her. Perhaps these liaisons might have petered out, but in February , Ray met a woman who was to change everything.
Ray met Nathalie, then a year-old marketing manager, through his work. I wanted to phone her all the time and would find excuses to go out to see her, then worry about Judith finding out. I didn't talk about Judith with the others, but I discussed the situation with Nathalie.
Dying Woman Discovers 'Supportive' Husband Is Having an Affair | CafeMom
At home, for Judith, of course, there was no escape - she had to face the unremitting horror of her condition. She would spend days in bed, desperately ill after intensive chemotherapy. She would cry and be emotional. She needed the unconditional support of her husband, not one who cheated on her when she was at her most vulnerable, but Ray selfishly complains he became like a nurse.
It was a very emotional, intense time and I simply had to escape from it. After spending time with Nathalie I felt invigorated. I was more able to face up to what was happening at home. A couple of my friends knew about Nathalie. They didn't approve, but they could see she gave me stability and that it was better than going to bars having one-night stands. Two months after meeting Nathalie, Judith and Ray were told that the cancer had spread to Judith's liver and that there was no longer any hope.
She was going to die. One of the worst things before was not knowing what the future held. Now she knew she was going to die and she could prepare for it. She began to accept that she was going to die. For me it was just awful, awful news. They went to see a child psychologist to discuss how her mother's death would impact on their daughter, Eva. Ray realised it must be becoming increasingly obvious to his wife that something was going on. He was coming and going from the house at odd times, going out for the evening and turning up in the early hours.
He was starting to have doubts about whether he loved her any more, or whether he simply pitied her. But in the end it was Judith who offered him a way out, if he wanted it. She said they couldn't go on like this and asked Ray if he wanted a divorce. She didn't want to spend the little time she had left with someone who didn't want to be with her.
I told her about the one-night stands, although not about Nathalie because I felt that would just be too painful. But when it sank in it really began to hurt. On the one hand I was her best friend, someone who took care of her, but on the other I was a terrible, terrible husband. How unbearable it must have been for her to watch her husband walk out of the door, knowing he was seeking liaisons with other women - because she had cancer. For a few weeks Ray did not see Nathalie, but his resolve weakened and they were soon together again.
Judith's health was deteriorating and by the beginning of May , she was too weak to get out of bed. We fell in love all over again.
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I didn't see Nathalie during this period, but I texted her frequently to let her know what was going on. She wasn't worrying about her career, or clothes, or other trivial things - nothing mattered, she had no ego. It was emotional for me, but I was holding it in, keeping it together.
Dying Woman Discovers 'Supportive' Husband Is Having an Affair
Ray told Nathalie he was not ready for a relationship and was taking his daughter to Australia for a couple of months, to grieve properly. But the seperation didn't last, and Ray and Nathalie married in He says he has not promised her fidelity. Though his conduct has brought opprobrium from many quarters, it has certainly made him rich, thanks to huge sales as people clamoured to read his brutally honest account.
And he also claims Judith's family are fully supportive of him and the book. The film rights to Love Life have been sold and Ray is a full-time author. What does he think Eva will make of the book when she reads it? I believe children feel their parents' love is far more important than whether they walk between the lines of what should and shouldn't be done.
It's hard to believe Eva won't be horrified at her father's casual betrayal of her mother when she is old enough to understand. But whether or not his "reasons" for behaving the way he did amount to some sort of justification, there can be no doubt that Judith suffered deeply for it. Thursday, Jan 17th 5-Day Forecast.
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It's heart-breaking, it's hard, and -- sometimes -- it's grossly unfair. I can only speak from my own experiences here, but my Dad dying from cancer was akin to someone dying from a thousand paper cuts. It happened bit by bit, over years and years. First came the diagnosis -- upsetting, of course -- but prostate cancer was a "good" cancer, so thank God for that. Then came the news it wasn't the normal kind of prostate cancer, so things would be more difficult. Then came the treatments, unrelenting in their aggression, and then came the news it wasn't going away. It was terminal -- but we still had three to five years.
As I said, it's really, really shitty. And to be honest, no one really gets it unless they've been through it themselves, which is where my old flatmate Beth comes in. Having lost her mum to cancer, Beth knew exactly what I was going through, and had a list of advice to boot. Not necessarily for me, but for everyone else. Because here's the thing: People will straight up ask.
Questions like, "how is your Dad these days? Of course, people only want to help. They don't know it's the seventh time you've had that conversation that day. And it's nice to be asked. You don't want not to be asked, as though it's taboo or he's dead already. See how muddy the waters are already? Dealing with this situation can be awkward, and difficult, and, to be frank, sometimes people can really screw it up.
So here are some tips, courtesy of Beth and me, about what to do if you have a friend whose loved one is dying. Wipe those big, trembling sympathy balls off your face right now. No one wants to see them. It's one thing to actually be sympathetic and concerned, it's another to try and force those feelings to beam out of your face. If you want to ask after someone, ask them in your normal voice, with your normal face, and be prepared for whatever the answer might be.